


One With Prussia

by joaniedark



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-03
Updated: 2011-11-03
Packaged: 2017-10-25 16:08:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/272185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/joaniedark/pseuds/joaniedark
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An APH skit The Baltics are out on a mission to promote Russia, when our dear Oresama arrives…</p>
            </blockquote>





	One With Prussia

Lithuania, Estonia, and Latvia enter through the crowd, passing out a few random pamphlets. They adlib a few things about the campaign to “Become one with Russia” They all seem a tad nervous. They finally make it up to the stage and form a half-circle, facing the audience.

  


LITHUANIA

  


(Brandishing a pamphlet and shouting to the audience)

  


Become one with Russia! Accept the power of the motherland into your life!

  


LATVIA

  


D-d-do you think that R-russia w-will think we’re doing a g-good job?

  


ESTONIA

  


We can only hope so. I’d hate to see his reaction should he decide we’re not up to par…

  


LITHUANIA

  


Don’t worry about it, he’d take it out on me anyway…

  


(Walks downstage, leaning over to hand a pamphlet to a girl near )

  


You, lady! Would you like to become one with Russia?

  


The Soviet Anthem starts to play

  


ESTONIA

  


Do you hear that?

  


LATVIA

  


(Looking around nervously)

  


I-it’s Russia! O-oh no!

  


The music grows louder as Russia marches on stage, flanked by Ukraine and Belarus. They both carry signs, and in addition Belarus carries her famous knife. Russia simply carries his pipe, swinging it cheerfully. Music fades out as Russia puts his arm around Lithuania.

  


RUSSIA

  


You boys are working well, aren’t you?

  


Belarus raises her knife.

  


LITHUANIA

  


Ah…yes…

  


Lithuania notices Belarus and shrugs off Russia’s arm. She drops her knife-hand down.

  


RUSSIA

  


(With very fake sadness)

  


Oh, Lithuania, why are you pulling away?

  


LITHUANIA

  


(Pointing at

  


Belarus)

  


I…

  


RUSSIA

  


(Seductive tone)

  


You’re being a bad boy, aren’t you?

  


LITHUANIA

  


No, really, I’m…

  


RUSSIA

  


Bad boys need to be punished…

  


Russia puts his pipe down, grabs Lithuania’s hand, and drags him off the stage. Belarus glares after them.

  


BELARUS

  


If I ever get the chance, I’m going to…

  


UKRAINE

  


(Pats her sister on the shoulder)

  


There there, Bela, don’t worry so much about all this…I’m sure nii-san still loves you…

  


LATVIA

  


D-d-do you think L-liet’s going to be ok?

  


ESTONIA

  


I do hope so…

  


Prussia dances in, humming the pocky song and dancing with two of the candy sticks. He is totally oblivious of those around him: everyone stares at him. Estonia shakes his head sadly. Suddenly Prussia bumps into Ukraine.

  


PRUSSIA

  


Ah! Hey, watch it, lady! Don’t get in the way of someone getting his groove on!

  


UKRAINE

  


Oh, I’m s-sorry, Mister Prussia…

  


BELARUS

  


(Threatens with knife)

  


Watch your manners around a lady.

  


PRUSSIA

  


Rawr, fiesty! I like my women like my coffee, strong and bold.

  


BELARUS

  


That’s funny. I like my men like I like my meat. With a knife in it.

  


Latvia faints, dropping all his pamphlets.

  


ESTONIA

  


LATVIAAAAA!

  


UKRAINE

  


Oh, you’ve gone and terrified poor Latvia half to death!

  


BELARUS

  


He’ll live.

  


PRUSSIA

  


What are all these?

  


Prussia rushes over and picks up a pamphlet

  


PRUSSIA

  


Become one with…OH! You guys are proclaiming the AWESOMENESS that is me to the world, aren’t you! That’s great! There’s nothing in here about my five meters though…

  


(Jumps up and pulls out sharpie)

  


And you misspelled my name too! I can’t believe it!

  


(Writes a big P on the pamphlet)

  


PRUssia, not RUssia…

  


ESTONIA

  


(Fanning Latvia with a pamphlet)

  


You dolt, we’re not promoting YOU…

  


UKRAINE

  


Yes, the campaign’s for nii-sa-

  


PRUSSIA

  


(Points accusingly at Ukraine’s sign)

  


YOU! Breasty one! Your sign’s written wrong too!

  


Prussia grabs the sign while Ukraine still holds it, protesting. He somehow manages to draw a big squiggly P in front of the word Russia. Meanwhile, Latvia comes to, and he and Estonia stare at Prussia in horror.

  


PRUSSIA

  


There we go! It’s all better now!

  


LATVIA

  


Y-y-you’re going to re-regret that!

  


Russia returns, dragging Lithuania in on a leash. The others stop their staring at the sign for a moment to stare at Lithuania.

  


LITHUANIA

  


Don’t. Even. Start.

  


Belarus squeezes her sign so that it snaps, as if in anger. Russia stares cooly at Ukraine’s sign, and then points at Prussia.

  


RUSSIA

  


Did you write on poor Ukraine’s sign?

  


PRUSSIA

  


Che…yeah. What are you gonna do about it?

  


Russia calmly kisses Lithuania on the cheek, then leans over and picks up his pipe. He grins menacingly, and Prussia takes a step back.

  


RUSSIA

  


Kolkolkolkolkolkolkol…

  


Russia chases Prussia off the stage, swinging his pipe around. Lithuania struggles with the collar on his neck.

  


LITHUANIA

  


…Belarus? Honey? Can you help me with this?

  


BELARUS

  


(Sweetly)

  


Of course I can, dear.

  


Belarus tugs sharply at the leash, strangling Lithuania, and the scene ends.


End file.
